My mother is there in my times of happiness n sadness, in sickness and in health.
My mother is also my personal cheerleader, my pillar of strength, my nurse, my doctor, my best chef, my greatest critique, my friend, my mentor… My EVERYTHING.
Though I may argue with her at times n say hurtful words, she never bears a grudge. I am nobody without her.
I love you mother dear, Rozanah Atan. Not only on mother’s day, but every other day. I will always be your little girl…
Sinful pleasure. An orgasm in every bite.
Don’t say you love me when you barely know me…
Yes, I know that some people believe in “Love at first sight”. But don’t profess your love for me when you barely know me. Coz you will only scare me. Thank you, I am flattered. But I MAY not feel the same way.
Yes, I feel lonely, but I am not desperate. I love the feeling of being in love, in fact I miss the feeling of loving another and being loved. I miss having someone to come home to and just cuddle in bed and have a meaningful conversation. But as of now, I don’t think I am ready. And if I do jump into a relationship, I may just hurt you. I’m sorry.
Love takes time. Give me time. You will know when I’m ready. How? If you know me well enough, you just will…
Watching “the vow” brought back many bittersweet. Courtship days. Parting days. But the quote that struck me most was when one of ‘em said “When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart”.
It brought me to thinking about him. Despite being apart for some time, fate brought us back together yet again. Though for only 5 and a half months, it was all any girl could have asked for, to be married to her soulmate.
He kept to his promise. He vowed to have loved me fiercely till the end of his time, and to some who could see, perhaps beyond. He loved me, he pampered me and he protected me. And yes, I believe no one can love me the way he loves me the way he did.
Always believe, there are three things in this world we can NEVER control.
1. Jodoh (whom we spend the rest of our life with)
2. Ajal maut (life and death)
3. Rezeki (wealth)
With His blessing, He brought us together, united us as one. But He also took him away from me. Something that was beyond my control. Despite the ups and downs of our marriage, just like any other marriage, I was blessed to have him a part of my life.
Behind this smile, there are tears hidden, sadness beyond words can express, the sense of loss. No one truly gets over the loss of a loved one. This is the smile that has seen life.
He was the one who always told me, “Sayang, time waits for no man. Life goes on.”
“Ya Allah yang maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang, kamu maafkanlah segala dosa-dosanya, kamu lapangkanlah kuburnya, kamu terangilah kuburnya, kamu jauhkannya dari seksaan kubur, Ya Allah…”
His love and the memory of him gives me strength, one day at a time.
We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we’re flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon. But that doesn’t diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that will last a lifetime.
However, I am not ready to fall in love. Not that I’m afraid of getting hurt. But because I’m afraid of hurting others. I am not ready to hurt another human being. I am not ready to give someone else hope of a “happily ever after” with me. I am not ready to shatter someone else’s dream. I am not ready to give someone else the roken pieces of my heart.
Perhaps, maybe, one day. When I’m ready to take that calculated risk. When perhaps I’ve meet the right one, for me. Someone who’d be almost perfect for me.
I married my soulmate. a man whom I’ve known since 2001. Only to have lost him in a bike accident 5.5 months after we got married. It changed my life. Reading my story still brings tears to my eyes. It’s like opening stitches when the wound has not fully healed. You never truly get over the loss of a loved one…
“Simply Her” magazine, April 2012 issue
Oh yes, I just can’t help it. It’s that bad boy attraction… That smile, that look, that stare, those charms… Fuuuyooooh!!! *meltz*
Oh Chuck Bass, you make my heart flutter… *swoons*
